AN OLD MAN WITH ALZHEIMER'S

 

It’s the story of an old man with Alzheimer’s.

His son who loves him very much, but who no longer sees the end of it decides with the father’s agreement to place him in a nursing home.

The day of separation is coming.

The son and his old man meet in the executive office with the director and a nurse.

While the son signs the papers, the old man leans gently to his right side.

The nurse jumps and stops the movement in extremis.

A few minutes later, the old man starts to lean again, this time to the left.

Once again, the nurse jumped and managed to stop the old man’s swing in his race.

Some time later, the old man’s body starts to lean forward.

This time, the nurse ties her to her chair.

At that point, the son finished filling out the paperwork.

He gets up and asks his father:

"Dad, are you going to like it here?"

And the old man says,

"Yeah, I think so. But in my opinion, they’ll never let me fart quietly."

A FRENCHMAN and AMERICAN

 

A Frenchman and an American are in Saudi Arabia, sharing a crate of Jack Daniels smuggled in, when the Saudi police rush into their house and arrest them. The only possession of alcohol is a serious offense in Saudi Arabia. So for this really terrible crime of being caught drinking an alcoholic beverage, they are all sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their

Death sentence by turning it into a life sentence.

By another stroke of luck, this sentence was rendered on a national holiday, and the sheikh, extremely benevolent, decided that they could be released after the just distribution of 20 lashes.

As they prepared for their punishment, the sheikh announced, "It is the birthday of my first wife today, and she asked me to allow each of you to grant a wish before being flogged."

The American being the first in line, he thinks for a moment then says:

Please tie a pillow behind my back. "

This was done, but the pillow lasted only 10 lashes. When the punishment was over, he had to be taken away bleeding profusely and crying in pain.

The Frenchman was the last, but before he could say anything, the sheik turned to him and said:

"You come from one of the most beautiful places in the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. Because of this, you have the right to two wishes! "

 "Thank you, Your Most Royal Highness, full of mercy," replied the Frenchman, "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish will be that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes!"

"Not only are you an honourable and powerful gentleman, but you are also very brave." said the Sheik with a deep look of admiration. "If 100 lashes is your wish, so be it. And what will be your second wish?" asked the Sheikh.

"Tie the American behind my back," replied the Frenchman.

One night with a snorer man

 

In a small provincial town, a trade representative had decided to stop by for the night.

Unfortunately for him, there was only one hotel, and all the rooms were reserved.

The representative then insists to the innkeeper:

"You have to find a place for me to sleep, even a bed anywhere, I am completely boastful!"

The innkeeper replied:

"Well, I do have a room with two beds and only one person..." And I’m sure that person would be happy to share his room and the price of his room with you... But to tell you the truth, this man is a snorer of the worst kind. So much so that his neighbours in the next room complain here every morning. In short, it is you who see.

"No problem, I’ll take the room. I’m too tired!"

The innkeeper introduces the two tenants to the room and lets them have dinner.

The next morning, the representative goes down for breakfast, and contrary to what the innkeeper thought, he has a keen eye and seems in good shape and well rested.

The innkeeper asks him:

"Did you manage to sleep?"

- Yes without problem

"Snoring didn’t bother you?"

- Not at all: he hasn’t snored all night

- What do you mean?

"Well, the man was already in bed when I entered the room." So I walked up to her bed and I went to kiss her ass and said, "Good night, my beauty"... And the guy spent the rest of the night sitting on his bed looking at me.

An old woman asks for a wish

 

She is a 75 year old lady who has a vision one night, she sees God and talks to him.

She asks him, "How long do I have left to live?"

God answers him: "You still have 35 years to live!"

Also during the whole year that followed this revelation, the old lady underwent a lot of cosmetic surgery operations, her skin was tightened, her nose redone, she did liposuction... She was, so to speak, completely redone. ! She thinks that as she has to live another 35 years as much as she looks young again.

After everything is finally over, she decides to return home and during that same year, she gets hit by a car and dies instantly.

Arrived at the gates of Paradise, it is God in person who receives her.

She asks him bluntly:

- "What happened? It seems to me that You told me that I had to live another 35 years!!!"

And God to reply:

- "Name of Me, I did not recognize you

the secretary and his boss

 

A boss rings the doorbell of his secretary.

The woman invites him to come home.

The discussion begins and as the boss is not indifferent to the charm of his hostess, he asks her if for 150 € she would agree to show her breasts

.

The latter thinks and thinks that it would put butter in the spinach of the household which has debts.

So she takes out her breasts and the boss puts the money on the table.

The boss outbids him and offers him €300 to take off his panties.

Given the couple's financial difficulties, after a brief hesitation she takes off her panties and the boss puts the money on the table.

The latter then offers 600 € to make love to her.

Faced with this sum which would cover the couple's debt, she accepts the proposal but wants it to be done quickly.

In the evening, the husband comes home and asks his wife:

"Did your boss come by today?" »

-" No why ? responds his wife.

-“He had to deposit me the 1050 € he owes me! »

this mother refuses to put sofas to her daughter 2-week-old

 Like more and more mothers, this young Australian takes her daughter to the bathroom like adults do.

Natural infant hygiene, do you know? The idea is not to put diapers on your baby and let him do his business like everyone else, in the toilet. A method increasingly favored by mothers who see it as a respectful way of following their baby's natural biology.

Cindy Lever is a freelance journalist and yoga teacher from Queensland, Australia. And above all, she is a follower of this method. For her, betting on natural infant hygiene means ensuring a greater connection with her baby, right from birth. If she admits that her husband looked at her with wide eyes at the announcement of his desire before the baby arrived, she assures that he has since been convinced of the benefits of this practice.

Listening to your baby

To achieve this, nothing could be simpler. In theory. Cindy just has to watch her daughter's behavior carefully. “In the same way that they can make us understand if they are tired or if they are hungry, if we are very attentive, it is also possible to detect when they want to go to the toilet, explains the young mother. at the Daily Mail. Just mix common sense, instinct, timing and listening. And if an accident happens, it's often because I haven't paid enough attention to these signs. According to the young woman, babies are also like adults and do not like to be dirty, which would be the key to the success of the method according to her. And when her daughter wants to satisfy a need, nothing could be simpler, she goes over the toilet or a sink, whether she is at home, in a public place or even in a restaurant. And if she raises a few eyebrows, Cindy continues to firmly believe in natural infant hygiene.

A Dad în à Bar

 

Mr. Perkins (it's set in the U.K.) walks into a bar and sits down

on one of the stools.

"Can I get you a drink?" asks the bartender.

"No, thank you," said Mr. Perkins. "I tried to drink

alcohol once and I didn't like it"

A few minutes later, the bartender lights a cigar. "This will

interested," he asks Mr. Perkins.

"No, thank you," said Mr. Perkins. "I tried to smoke once

and I didn't like it"

The other people in the bar are ready to move into a room in the

fond of playing poker and they ask Mr. Perkins if he wants

play with them.

"No, thank you," said Mr. Perkins. "I tried the game once and

really, it wasn't for me..."

Perkins sits on the bar stool doing nothing, so the bartender

asks him: "You don't drink, you don't smoke, you don't gamble...

so what are you doing here?"

"I'm expecting my son, we have an appointment"

The bartender replies: "It must be your only child..."