A young priest, very anxious, and after having been unable to utter a single word the day of his first sermon, asks the Archbishop for advice on how to be up to it next Sunday. The latter advises him to pour himself a few drops of vodka in a large glass of water to be more relaxed.
The following Sunday, the young priest felt so well that he could have talked anywhere, about anything.
Back in the sacristy, he finds a letter left by the Archbishop, written as follows: "My son, next time, put a few drops of vodka in a large glass of water, and not a few drops of water in the vodka Then I share some observations with you so that what I heard today does not happen again.
1. There is no need to put a slice of lemon on the rim of the chalice.
2. Avoid leaning on the statue of the Blessed Virgin and above all, avoid hugging and kissing her.
3. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
4. the apostles were 12 and not 7, and none were dwarfs.
5. We don't refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as "J.C. & Co"
6. we don't refer to Judas as "that son of a bitch"
7. you must not refer to the pope as "the Godfather"
8. Bin Laden had nothing to do with the death of Jesus
9. Holy water is made to bless and not to refresh the neck
10. Never celebrate Mass sitting on the altar steps
11. the hosts are not aperitif cakes to be consumed with the wine of mass
12. sinners will go to hell and not "get fucked"
13. the initiative to call the faithful to dance was good, but not that of making the caterpillar in the whole church
14. The man sitting by the altar that you referred to as "the queer" and "the trans in a skirt" was me.
Sincerely, Archbishop.
ps: Jesus was not shot
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